**HANS** stormborn | they/them | post 43 Hans is bored, so they follow Hazelwood out to the Above-ground, where Directrix seems to be… playing baseball! Holy shit! Baseball! “That’s a good way of explaining it,” Hans nods at Directrix’s words. Then, to Hazelwood, **“you should try batting! I think you’ll do well.”** The figures finally register to Hans as physical icy beings, not ghosts. They look at Directrix, curious, but they decide that asking about it might be rude. **“Can I play shortstop?”** Hans asks him instead. **HANS** stormborn | they/them | post 44 **“That’s pretty cool.”** Hans says, fascinated. In a way, doesn’t everyone have separate parts of themselves? They consider their past selves different people, the rookie versus the player versus the coach. They look at the present fragments, then back to Directrix, wondering how they all fit into one body. *Well… maybe they don’t. He does have two tails…* Hans just shrugs, decides to not think too hard about it. None of their business. Hans hums at the team suggestion for a moment before nodding. **“Sure, sounds fine. Cats versus fragments.”** They turn towards their roommate and grin, amused at her little boasting. **“You talk big game, Knight. You should bat first.”** **HANS** stormborn | they/them | post 45 Hans looks at Directrix with a grin. Looks like none of his fragments have ever coached Little League. Hans, on the other hand—they’ve coached their daughter through her baseball career, all the way to high school junior varsity! They’ve coached professional hockey, too, but that’s not as important. They look towards Jones, humming. **“Jones, you can pitch, you got a good arm. And you…”** A toothy smile forms as they look at Splinter—the sensitive one. **“And you catch their pitches, okay? When the batter misses. Very important.”** Hans offers a small smile towards Directrix’s worried fragments. **“Don’t worry about teams. Let’s just play ball and have some fun.”** Oh, what a rush to play sports again, familiar and unfamiliar all at once–they look towards their roommate, excited to see what a medieval knight can do with a bat. They bounce a little on their feet and cheer Hazelwood on again. **“C’mon, get a hit so I can score a dinger right after!!!”** **HANS** stormborn | they/them | post 46 “Good catch, kid!” Hans gently praises Splinter as he seems to search for approval. They’ve beeing cheering for everyone as they play, even when it’s not… correct. They pat Hazelwood on the back after she strikes out. “Hey, no worries, you’ll get it next time.” They take her spot in the batter’s box, tap the bat on the plate. There’s a satisfying *crack!* as they make contact, but it’s an easy pop up for one of the infielders to catch. Hans still jogs towards first base as a formality, but the small failure still stings a little. They make their way back to the makeshift dugout on the side of the field, sighing. “This isn’t… my sport.” They say to Hazelwood, feeling the need to explain their poor performance. “I played and coach something different. We, uh. Ice skate on a rink while hitting a puck with sticks.” Hans sighs, scratches at their chin. “Kinda wish I had some ice powers. I’ve been… missing it.” Their tome flies out of their pockets, then uses one of its bookmarks to point to Directrix. Hans hooks their claw into the little book, annoyed at how rude it was… but… “Can I copy an ice spell off of you?” Hans asks Directrix, rather bluntly. Then, a little quieter, “I’m a little homesick.” ___ **HANS** stormborn | they/them | interim post 5 As they sit at the edge of the guild’s swimming pool, Hans finds themself thinking about the portal once again, the one that Aeras promised would bring them home. Some have taken up the offer. Hans understands it. It’s an easy out. Quick and painless. They’ll see their family again, and everything will go back to normal. But they still feel they need to see how this all ends. Perhaps it’s the shard of Thalassa inside of them, wanting to give closure to Vrachos, to help them move on. That would make sense. What else would be keeping Hans here? *Nothing’s keeping you here, you don’t even want your all powerful wish! You’re just afraid of going back, right?* The Requiem mutters to Hans, fluttering out of their pile of belongings next to the water. Hans growls and haphazardly smacks it, making it fall into the water. They sigh and make no move to fish it out. It seems to float just fine… But the Requiem does have a point. It’d be a waste to *not* wish for something. “What the hell would I even wish for?” Hans grumbles. “A do-over? Go back twenty years and what, make better choices?” ___ **HANS** stormborn | they/them Hans lingers in the mess hall after dinner. They have too many thoughts crowding their mind to call it a night and go to bed. The small pad of paper and set of drawing supplies has been serving as their one of their outlets, allowing their thoughts to escape out of their head and onto paper. Thankfully, Hans still has retained some of their penmanship, even with their big, clunky paws. They draw out a timeline of their own life, to exercise their memory. Nothing seems to be missing; they can recall most of their life, all forty years of it. It’s odd. Many of the other eidolons crossed over with missing memories. And after regaining the memory of Vrachos bringing them to Strategos, Hans is sure that their memory is completely whole. So if nothing is missing anymore, why is there still such a pit in their chest? It doesn’t make any goddamn sense. They *should* be happy, according to their own timeline. Sure, some rough patches, but mostly positive, especially recently. Everything’s looking up for them, yet… Hans sighs loudly, crumples up the page, and tosses it over their shoulder. It’s a terrible habit they had developed after countless sleepless nights in their office, writing up last-minute game plans. -# open to any eidolons!! some ideas: scolding hans for littering, getting bonked by the paper ball, asking hans to draw something… :3 ___ **HANS** stormborn | they/them Hans was out on their own walk around Reverie when they spot Izzovir casting stars for a curious child. They laugh quietly, not expecting to see yet another soft side of the strange, angsty cat. By the time Hans sits on the bench beside Izzovir, the child has already run off, suddenly interested in something else. Perhaps to tell their friends. Maybe they’ll be back. **“You’re good with kids,”** Hans murmurs. **“You remind me of…”** They trail off, deciding that saying ‘*you remind me of when I was a young and scared new parent!*’ is a little too on the nose. Plus, Izzo seems a little bit older than them, anyways. It’d be the wrong thing to say. **“You remind me of home.”** Hans says instead, though they immediately frown at their own words. **“I mean, like. Home as in my own family, y’know, not necessarily the place. The family I’m supposed go back to after all of this, my daughter, my husband, my friends...”** Again, Hans is unsatisfied with their choice of words. They sigh, then glance at Izzovir with their tired brown eyes. **“What about you? Anything back home for you, or are you staying here?”** **HANS** stormborn | they/them Hans watches intently as Izzo looks over his shoulder, as if he’s… afraid. They sigh softly, recognizing that fear. That fear is why it took so long for them to put their skates back on again. And it’s not like it’s an irrational fear—it’s the reason why Blades management cut them off, it’s the reason why Sheppard was killed, it’s why Jake holds onto them so tightly now. Hans’s heart breaks a little when Izzovir is unsure if anything is waiting for him back home. They want to reach out and grab him, shake him, yell *despite the whole world hating you, surely at least your husband misses you?* They break their glance away from Izzovir and pull their legs up onto the bench, hugging their knees as they think of something better to say. Hans feels that they shouldn’t prod him much more, so they offer a piece of their own history instead. **“…My husband thought I was dead for seven years.”** Hans says, though they’re not sure why—it’s a fucking bummer of an opener. They continue, since their usual filter has been breached already. **“He thought he’d killed me. But I just, uh… I ran off, I guess. Didn’t talk to anyone. Everyone thought I died.”** There’s a strange prickly feeling in their stomach as they speak, but they keep pushing on, idly tracing the scar along their neck. **“When he found out I was still alive… God, I feel like his pain was *worse* than mine, y’know? His grief. Because I thought he’d be better off without me, but clearly not, the sensitive bastard.”** Hans breaks into a soft laugh, trying to bury the intense guilt rising in their throat. **“Sorry for yapping, I… I’m just… homesick, I guess.”** **HANS** stormborn | they/them *Was it worth it? Are you glad you went back?* Hans stares back into Izzo’s wide pale eyes, startled at the sudden shift. They ponder his question for a moment, unsure what exactly he was asking. Was it worth it to run off, or was it worth it to come back? Either way, they’re not sure how to answer. They blink a few times before they could find their words again. **“Of course I’m glad I went back. I love him.”** Hans sighs, and that argument in the halls of Dogpatch Arena comes to mind. Jake had waited for them after the game to apologize to them for forging Angel’s trade contract, for his Montreal teammates roughing up the Blades, and for accidentally ending their career all those years ago. And Hans had been so goddamn *cruel* in response—accused him of intentionally sabotaging the Blades, berated him for being absent from Akari’s life (even though Hans never bothered to tell him he’s her father), and just yelled like hell at him. They told him that he *did* kill them, that they’ll never be the same anymore. They regret saying all of that, of course, since they realized soon after that the old Jakey was dead, too. He’d been through so much. He was not the same person they used to be in love with, and they’re not the same person he used to be in love with. So it took a while for all the pieces to come back together, to relearn how to be a person again, how to forgive. **“I mean, it’ll never be like it was when I first met him twenty years ago.”** Hans murmurs. **“Our old selves are dead. For better or for worse, I don’t know. But I know I still love him. I still want to go home to him.”** They sigh again, letting their words linger for a moment. **“Look, man, I’m not sure what exactly you’re going through,” Hans starts, then looks back to Izzovir. **“But your pain isn’t yours alone when someone loves you. And they don’t stop hurting just because *you* think they’re better off without you.”** Hans looks down at their paws, quiet. **“Even if it is true.”** **HANS** stormborn | they/them **CW: mentions of suicidal ideation** Hans watches Izzo’s words with a slight frown and drooping ears. They twiddle with their claws, thinking. His daughter was here, but he didn’t speak to her. Love didn’t feel like it was enough anymore. It reminds Hans of Akari’s early years, being the worst parent in the world. Crying more than their own child. Letting their grief entirely direct their life until Sidney kicked their ass into going back to school and getting their life back together. So they became so busy they had no time to be miserable anymore, they delayed it. It worked for the past seventeen or so years, but it’s been creeping up on them again. But what kept them going, instead of giving up? Hans supposes that it was love. ||Even if it was barely there, it was enough to make them stay alive. They’ve already seen the grief Jakey had when he *thought* they were dead, how much more would it hurt him if they actually did decide to off themself? How much would Akari hurt, how much would Evren hurt? They would be crushed. Sid and Dougie, too. And…|| Their chest tightens as they sign.**“If love isn’t enough, how much love is there when you’re *gone*?”** Hans drops their paws, sighing. Making him feel guilty probably won’t help, he’s already wallowing in it. **“Sorry, I’m just… I recognize your fear and pain. You’re not alone.”** **HANS** stormborn | they/them **“Hey…”** Hans digs through their pockets, then offers Izzo their bandana to wipe his nose with. **“It’s fine to cry, you know.”** **“I’m sure they’ll be relieved you’re alive. Maybe a little angry you left, but that’s only natural.”** They reach out and pat him gently on the shoulder. **“Jake was mad at me, too, when I came back. But it’s the kind of mad you get when you finally find something you’ve lost, you know? Annoyed, sure, but ultimately relieved and happy.”** Hans can’t help but laugh, though it sounds more like a breathy bark. They’ve been so terribly irrational in the past, emotionally selfish. They’ve been annoyed at both Izzovir’s sarcastic facade and the angst underneath at times, annoyed they know *exactly* what he’s feeling. Being an awful partner, a failure of a parent, a ticking time-bomb–yet, somehow, people still want them around. People *need* them around, even with all their ugly flaws. It’s all very, *very* annoyingly relatable. **“I’m kinda having the same feeling right now, actually, talking to you.”** Hans says, then cracks a small smile. **“Reminds me of home.”** **HANS** stormborn | they/them *Bubba.* Hans nearly jumps in surprise at the term. It’s… what Sheppard called them, for some reason. Perhaps it’s because the first time they met—it was some fancy charity event. They’d clung to her side like a shy dog, unsure how to socialize with executives and celebrities. They’d in turn used it as a term of endearment for their teammates. It was much cuter than *big guy* or *bro*, and definitely safer than nicknames like *babe* or *honey*. It always made them grin to say it, and for it to be returned. The Requiem is pleased to copy notes from Directrix’s tome. A chill shoots up their paw as it returns to them, but it’s a pleasant one, a cold shower after a sauna. “Thank you,” Hans nods back at him. **HANS** stormborn | they/them Hans lets out a surprised kitty *mrrp?* as Cassandra greets them. Embarrassed, they clear their throat before waving back to her. “Hi, Cass.” The Lion looks sturdy in her hands, strong. Meanwhile, the Requiem floats in the pool, looking like a piece of litter. Hans quietly urges it to return to them, but it seems stubbornly content to stay in the water for a while, wallowing. They think about scolding it further, but that would make them a hypocrite. With a sigh, Hans looks back at the other eidolon, their eyes even more tired than usual. “I’ve been sleepless, thinking about this whole uh,” they gesture vaguely, “this whole thing. Quest, I mean. And the reward wish. *Especially* the reward wish.” They keep their gaze steady on the younger cat for a moment, again reminded of their own daughter, again reminded of their selfish wish: they wanted to wish that things were different, change all the bad things in their life. They could move out of the way of his skate, keep their career, and Akari… wouldn’t exist. Aeras could grant that wish, but Hans had refused it to her face–what was it they said to the goddess? *Going home is more than enough*. But looking back at it now, they’d probably refused it out of fear of what they *could* wish for. Hans shakes their head. “I really don’t want a wish granted. Or, um, I feel like I *shouldn’t* have one, you know? It’s too much power and responsibility.”